I missed Wednesday's Hump Day Holla so I bring you Throwdown Thursday.  Look at me, being all flexible and adjusting like a boss.

I'm not gonna lie to you; this blog post was not going to happen. I've been distracted and scattered and down in the dumps about my lack of production on the writing front but then inspiration struck in the form of my oldest daughter.

She came home yesterday and told me she, once again, earned the most AR reading points in her class for the grading period. This means she earned (another) Amazon gift card and since she's won every grading period for the last two years the school paper will do a feature story on her. She was incredibly proud of herself (as she should be!) while telling me about it and I had all the proud mama snaps and claps going.

My mom and my aunt were over at the time. My mama had her "That's my grandbaby" smile going but my aunt was giving major side eye.  Finally, she frowned at my daughter and told her "That's nice but don't let all this attention go to your head. Don't go up to that school acting full of yourself and forget to be humble."

Let me explain to you a thing: I have raised my daughters with the belief that they have every right and reason to celebrate themselves and their accomplishments. Which isn't to say I'm raising them to be obnoxious. There's middle ground between Mary the Modest Mouse and Erica the Egomaniac.  I believe, and have taught my girls, humility is not downplaying and discounting your value, worth and achievements but respecting and recognizing that other people are just as worthy, just as capable, and just as valuable as you are.

My daughter has apparently learned these lessons well. She turned to her auntie and told her "I earned the right to be proud of myself just like I earned this Amazon card. You can be humble; I'mma be great."

My aunt didn't have anything to say (and for those of you wondering, yes this is the aunt from the Avon vs. Mary Kay Wedding Throwdown) to that.

Now listen, I don't generally approve of my kids having a slick mouth with their elders BUT in this case I let it slide. My daughter worked hard and achieved something special. She deserves to have her moment. She deserves to have some time where she's feeling herself like she's Queen Bey or Nicki. She earned that.

When you grow up a little Black girl those within our community drill it into you that you have to work twice as hard and be twice as good just to get half as much. At the same time, you're bombarded with messages from outside the community on how everything about you from the color of your skin to the way your hair grows out of your head is wrong, lacking, or not as good.

As a Black woman you learn the places where you are expected to excel are few and far between and stepping outside of those margins means facing resentment and/or rejection. You learn how to live at the intersection of racism, sexism, classism, and colorism. You learn no matter how many times you deal with microagressions by calmly taking on the role of educator (Which hello, do I look like Mr. Feeny to you?) and turning the other cheek, the first time you clapback or use the wrong "tone", you're forever branded "the angry Black woman." You learn to maintain your smile when people assume you're a "diversity hire" and took the place of a "more qualified" person and ask #ButWhyYou. 

You learn to make yourself smaller and take up less space because you're told, explicitly and implicitly, that your place is in the background, way back over there behind the fake ficus. You learn you're expected to do the work but step aside and out of the spotlight when it's time to reap the rewards.

It is revolutionary for any woman, but especially a Black woman, to be unapologetically proud of herself or her accomplishments. A man with a certain amount of ego and "swagger" is a boss. A woman with the same amount of ego and swagger is a bitch.

A Black woman with the same amount of ego and swagger is a bougie, Black bitch who doesn't know her place.

My aunt grew up in the South at a time where not stepping off the sidewalk so a white person could pass by was seen as an act of defiance that could get you lynched. When she says "Be humble, little Black girl." she's repeating the lessons she learned in order to survive in a hostile environment. She's trying to help.

And I understand that, I do. But the outside world is going to tell my daughters, often and loudly, to be less, to be quiet, and to be humble.

I'm going to tell them,often and loudly, to be great.

XOXO,
Dylan

P.S.