Teddy Roosevelt once said "Comparison is the thief of joy" and truer words were never spoken, especially when it comes to us creative types.

Whether you're a writer or a wedding planner, part of being a successful creative is knowing what's going on in your industry. What's in, what's out, what's now, and what's next are questions you should know the answers to. Getting those answers means being aware of your peers and what they're doing, how they're doing it, and who among you is doing it so well that they're literally winning all the awards.

Seeing someone succeed or achieve at an incredible level in your industry can be inspiring and motivating...or it can be a trap.

There's a fine line between inspiration and envy. Inspiration fuels your artistry whereas envy feeds your insecurity. It takes you to a place where nothing you do or have done shines as bright, means as much, or is as good as the person (or people) you're comparing yourself to.

And that my friends, is a creativity killer.

So how do we avoid it?

The truth is...we can't, not really. We see someone else doing what we want to do or are trying to do and being so successful and so talented that we're both awestruck and intimidated. We tumble down the rabbit hole of wanting and wishing and feeling inadequate. That's human and it's okay that we fall down.

The thing is though, we can't stay down. We have to climb up out the hole. What's for you is for you and you won't find it stumbling around in the dark wishing you had someone else's light.

So how do we get back up?

Refocus on yourself and your journey. You may not be on their level (it is what it is, fam) but that doesn't mean you can't be great where you are. Challenge yourself. Work on your weaknesses. Build on your strengths. Commit to being the best version of yourself, producing your best work. Realize the person you're idolizing is most likely comparing themselves to someone else and feeling they come up short. Make the goal progress rather than perfection.

Be motivated. Be inspired. Be amazed, but above all else, be you because that's something no one else can do as well as you can.

There aren't a lot of people who having their work critiqued, but for an author it can be especially excruciating. Some of us have a tendency to blur the lines between our work and ourselves, so much so that we forget a critique of our words is not a statement about our worth.

Writing is an intensely personal endeavor. We spend hours casting individual threads until they weave together to form the stories of our characters and the worlds they inhabit. So, it's understandable that after all that hard work anything less than a glowing critique can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Understandable or not, the reality is critique and criticism are necessary parts of the writing process and learning how to give and give both are essential to the business of being an author. No matter how carefully you proofread or objective you try to be, you're never going to catch all of your mistakes or be able to step back far enough to take in every angle. Critique is critical to you success. No one is saying you have to like it, but you do need to learn how to accept it without losing your confidence, ending up on a "badly behaved blacklist", or ruining professional relationships.  So here are a few tips I've learned about accepting criticism, correction, or critiques thus far:

• Woosah

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a good story concept, is either a pantser or a plotter.

There are a plethora of systems, software, and suggestions available for those who prefer to plot and plan their way to "the end".  From creating color coded spreadsheets, to filling out worksheets, to scouring Pinterest boards for ideas and resources, planners are spoiled for choice. It may take a bit of trial and error, but eventually every planner finds the formula that works best for them.

I speak from experience here. I'm a planner. I plot my stories from beginning to end. I live and breathe for the planning, the plotting, the checking and rechecking and filling of plot holes before the actual writing happens. It's what I've always done and what I'm comfortable with.

But...and hear me out...what if by doing what I've always done, I'm missing out on easier, better, more effective, way of writing?

Pantsing, aka writing without a fixed outline and going where the story leads you, varies in intensity (some pantsers completely wing it and begin writing without much more than a general story idea while others do some very loose planning) has always struck fear in my heart. I am...not the most spontaneous person. I have lists for my lists. The idea of jumping in the author car and setting off on a writing adventure without a detailed itinerary and trusty map spelling out how to get from the opening line to the final word stresses me (seriously, my anxiety is spiking as I type this) something fierce.

But, in keeping with my own personal Year of Yes, I'm doing the thing that scares me. I'm sure by now you've noticed the Free Reads tab on menu. If you click it, the page is blank and says "Coming Soon."

Well, soon is now.

Okay, well, not now as is now now but now as is this week. Remember how I said I'd do Friday blog posts but I haven't yet? I know, I know. I'm sorry. No excuses. BUT I have a plan (stop making that face!). This Friday will be my firs Feeling It Friday blog post and part of that post will be the first chapter of my Free Friday Fic. And this fic will be written without an outline.

Yeah, you heard me. The Planning Princess is going pantless.  There are three major reasons why I'm doing this. One, I want to try a different writing technique. I've been doing the outline, plot, draft, routine since jr. high. It's time to shake up that routine and see if maybe there's something that works better for me. Second reason? I'm afraid to. Third reason? I need to put some content out that gives you guys some of idea of what I have to offer in terms of writing.

The timing is also pretty great.  Camp NaNoWriMo is going on right now and even though I'm not officially participating, just knowing there are other writers crafting stories at the same time and (some) using the same pantsing process helps me feel less alone.

So there we have it. This week's Wednesday Wisdom is about stepping out of my comfort zone and trying a different way of doing things. Hopefully, I inspired some of you to do the same. Maybe a change in routine will shake loose some major creativity. Feel free to click the links in the above posts for resources, materials, and explanations of different methods and processes for outlining, planning, and pantsing. If you decide to switch up your method, let me know how it goes! Or if you're a dedicated pantser or planner, let me know why it works for you.

I often describe myself as an awkward turtle. I'm quiet, I'm extremely uncomfortable around new people, I have serious social anxiety that sometimes leads to acute bouts of agoraphobia, I rarely start conversations because I don't want to bother people, rejection (or just the perception of it) is soul crushing for me and just the idea of public speaking can bring on a panic attack. People and crowds exhaust me and I need time to regroup and recharge after being out and about. Spontaneity is not my friend and everyone in my circle knows not to come over without calling first.

Growing up I thought I was broken. What kid doesn't want to be popular with a packed social calendar and the center of attention? There are whole Hollywood movies made about the teenage outsider longing to be part of the "in" crowd and what they're willing to do in order to be part of that world.

I always hated those movies. Nine times out of the ten, the so-called outsider has a small group of friends who may not be sitting at the cool kids table but they're ride or die, ball til we fall, true friends to the end. It also didn't help that in those films most of the popular kids were jerks. After blowing off their real friends and undergoing a complete personality change,the outsider ends up realizing the only reason the grass looks greener on the other side is because it's AstroTurf. They run back to their former friends, beg for (and are granted) forgiveness and with the Important Life Lesson™ learned all's well that ends well.

I never understood what was so horrible about having a few dedicated friends and a lot of alone time. It seemed like a win/win to me. My parents and my older brother didn't see it that way. I was always pushed into this activity or that club, forced to go here, and do this, and be social. I hated it but I didn't really understand why. The more they pushed, and the more it seemed like everyone else was perfectly fine going and doing and being, the more broken I thought I was.

It wasn't until I got to college and started seeing a counselor that I realized I wasn't broken or weird or wrong, I was introverted. Understanding what I am and learning there were millions of other people, some of whom were very successful, that felt the same way I did was such a breakthrough moment for me. I cried  true blue tears, y'all. My journal entry on that day was a thing to behold.

I started writing initially as a way to express my feelings and quiet the noise in my head. I had the words but somewhere between my brain and my mouth they'd get stuck. I couldn't speak, so I wrote. When I first started thinking about writing as a career, I had a romanticized notion of a writer as a soulful, solitary figure who spent weeks at a time without having to socialize. Not gonna lie, the idea appealed to me. It sounded like an introvert's paradise.

So imagine my disappointment when I found out that a fair amount of being a successful writer means being a successful marketer. As much as authors talk about putting our blood, sweat, and tears into our books and treat them like our babies, they're not. They're products and products need marketing and promotion in order to sell. In 2016, a lot of that marketing and promotion falls on the author.That means building relationships with other authors, readers, bloggers, book reviewers and other people in the industry.

This realization sent me into a panic. I'm not a sales person. I'm not great at calling attention to myself. I don't want to bother people so it's rare for me to initiate contact and conversation. I'm shy and hesitant with strangers, even online. It does not, has not, and shall not go down in my DM's, is what I'm saying. 

So what's an introvert to do?

First, I freaked the freak out. Then, after I finished breathing into a paper bag and brought the panic down from an 11 to about a 5, I researched the strategies of successful introverts and worked out a system I feel comfortable with and that works for me. How did I do it? By doing the following:

•  Set realistic, attainable goals you can build on: One of the strategies I ran across was to increase my Twitter followers by 50-100 every week. At this point and time for me, those numbers are like trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen.  So I modified it into something more realistic.  Right now my goal is five to ten new followers a week. When I hit that consistently, I can bump the numbers up. It doesn't matter if you're going for a certain number of likes on your Facebook page, Twitter followers, hits on your blog, percentage of increase in your sales or whatever, make sure the goal is realistic, attainable, and can be built on. 

•  Know where your audience is: There are 50-11 ways to interact with potential readers but where is your audience? Do you get a bigger reaction to your Tweets or your Facebook posts? Is your Pinterest popping or is Tumblr where it's at for you? Are people commenting on your blog or are they liking your IG posts?  Having a presence on more than one social media platform is pretty much essential these days but knowing where to concentrate your efforts can be a lifesaver.

• Listen and learn: I don't know about you but my Twitter feed is full of authors, agents, artists, content creators, editors, and publishers sharing great tips and advice. I've learned a ton about the business of being an author simply by listening when they speak. 

•  Engagement is not optional: This is hard for me. Talking to people, engaging with other authors and readers is incredibly intimidating for me. What if I'm bothering them? What if they don't like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they think I'm being annoying? All of these thoughts go through my head. Even with people I interact with on a regular basis, it's a struggle sometimes to speak up and not just sit back and observe the conversation going on around me. And it doesn't help when you shoot your shot and miss the target (I'm pretty sure my awkward attempt at expressing concern about someone sent them running for the hills recently lol). But, there's no getting around the fact that engaging with readers and fellow authors and people in the industry is not an option. It doesn't have to be chore though. There are FB groups,Twitter chats, writing forums and social media platforms that make connecting easy. There's a lot of lanes on the engagement superhighway, you just gotta find yours. I promise you'll find your squad. If I can do it, you can too. 

I'm a novice and I'm still learning but we can all grow together. Are there any tips/tricks you've learned or wisdom you wish to pass on to your fellow introverts? Don't be shy, this is a safe space.

XOXO,
Dylan

We've all heard the saying "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail" and that's definitely true. Preparation is an important part of succeeding at any endeavor and a key component of preparation is planning. You can't turn a dream into reality without some sort of a plan. There's no getting around the fact that you have to put in work before you can effectively start pursuing your goals, and make no mistake, figuring out how to do things, who to speak to, where to get information and resources, and why you should (or shouldn't) do xyz is work in and of itself.

Because planning and preparation is work it's easy to get stuck there. As a writer, if I spend my time researching, networking, reading craft books, attending workshops, engaging readers on social media platforms, plotting, and plotting, and plotting even more, I'm putting in work. I see the results of that work when I look at the improvement of my technical or creative writing abilities, increased understanding of the business side of romance writing, meaningful relationships I've cultivated with other authors, bloggers, and readers, and increased social media visibility (it's easy to increase when you start with none lol). I've spent the last six months or so planning and prepping and planning and prepping. I've dedicated time, effort, and energy into planning a writing career and laying a foundation for it. I'm by no means "done" because a lot of this work is an ongoing process (such as engaging w/readers and learning about the craft) but I have put in work.

The problem is I haven't put down words. I've been stuck in the planning stage. Planning requires time, energy, effort, and pays off in tangible results so I've been feeling myself like my name is Nicki Minaj.  Like, yaaas queen, slay levels of feeling accomplished.

Well, y'all reality came in over the weekend and snatched every last one of my edges.

My "Well, damn" moment came when another author asked me if I had any books out, and if not when was my release date.

Y'all.

Fam.

After all my prepping, plotting, and planning...I was caught unprepared. The reason I was unprepared is because when it comes to actually writing my books I've done a maximum of preparation but a minimum amount of execution. I've read craft books, done writing exercises, taken online courses, listened to podcasts, subscribed to newsletters, watched tutorials and made all kinds of plans...but I've put very few of them into motion.

Now, don't misunderstand. It isn't that I haven't written at all. It's that I haven't written consistently. I haven't pushed forward with writing my book because I've been getting everything set up, you see. I've been making sure I'm prepared and have my plan in place. The perfect schedule. The perfect system. The perfect support network. The perfect way to utilize the various social media platforms. I needed all of the parts of my plan in place and then I could clack clack on the keyboard and make the magic happen.

That was the dream, anyway. The reality is something else altogether. Without even realizing it I've been procrastinating. Those of you who know me, know my tendency to procrastinate is something I've actively tried ridding myself of over the last few months. Evidently, I need to both try harder and get better at realizing when it dresses itself up as something else. Spending three weeks planning something that should have only taken three minutes isn't planning, it's procrastinating.

At the end of the day, preparation and planning has to be done with purpose. If I'm not executing, if I'm not putting all of that work towards achieving something, then I'm doing a whole lot of pretty procrastination. Yes, I'm working but I'm not moving forward. I can read all the craft books ever written and attend every workshop offered but that knowledge does me no good if I don't use it.

So, moving forward, I'm spending less time planning and more time doing. And keeping a sharp eye out for any other slick disguises procrastination slips into so I can make sure it doesn't slink its way back up in here.

What about you guys? Are you planning or are you doing? And if you're planning are you really planning, or are you procrastinating. And if so, why? Leave a comment and let me know.

XOXO,
Dylan

• Personal:  My relationship w/myself and those around me
• Professional: Dedicating myself to my craft and progressing with my writing
• Physical: I've seriously slacked off on all things good for me 
• Emotional: I can't have a healthy body with a sick soul 
• Spiritual: Fostering a strong connection with the Creator and the universe

Unless your name is Beyoncé, none of us are ***Flawless. We all have our faults and part of adulting is recognizing what yours are and making an effort to do better. Unfortunately, being aware of your issues doesn't always translate into knowing how to address them.

Case in point: I am a master procrastinator. Why do today what I can do sometime next week? I never met a deadline I didn't take down to the wire. I always put everything, and I do mean everything, off until the last possible second. It would be easy to claim I get distracted doing stuff and things, or the task slips my mind, or other responsibilities take priority but the truth is I choose not to handle my business in a timely manner. There's no excuse for it and as many times as it's bitten me in the behind, I know and should do better.

So why don't I? I could come up with a million and three reasons why but the bottom line is...I don't wanna. If it's something I'm excited about or will get an immediate payoff from or enjoy, I do it with the quickness. If it's something that makes me anxious (like making phone calls, going out, or returning messages) or I'm worried about getting "right" or I just don't enjoy, I put it off until it can't be put off anymore.

I don't have to tell y'all this is a problem. At the end of the day putting things off only creates more pressure and anxiety. The longer I go without taking care of The Thing, the bigger it becomes. The bigger The Thing becomes, the more anxious about it I get and the more anxious I get, the less I want to do it. The less I want to do it, the longer I put it off and the longer I put it off, the more pressure I feel to get it "right" when I finally do it.

At that point one of two things happen: I buckle down and do The Thing like I'm the greatest to ever do it or I half-ass The Thing just to get it over with.

And again...this is a problem. I'm working on it. How?

• Breaking tasks down into pieces that can be completed over time rather than all at once. 
• Telling other people what I have going on so they can help hold me accountable
• Keeping things simple and not trying to always go "above and beyond"  (this is hard for me)
• Limiting distractions (Again, difficult but necessary)
• Being honest and asking when I need help (the hardest thing)
• Giving myself incentives to get it done (yes, I reward myself for good behavior lol)

Since I've actively started trying to break my procrastination habit, I've made significant improvements. I still have a long way to go but I'm getting there.  The biggest help has come in being honest about what works for me and what doesn't.

What doesn't work for me is having a task with no set deadline. If I can do it "whenever" it'll never get done or I will take all damn day to do it.

This is especially true when it comes to my writing. Those select few of you who are familiar w/my fanfiction alter ego know that I am the Queen of the WIP. Seriously, I have unfinished fics that go back years. Years, y'all. Whenever I stopped writing a fic I always said "I'll go back and finish it someday" Guys, it's 2016 and someday still hasn't come. One of the reasons I'm still waiting on "someday" is because there's no deadline. I can always jump back into my fandoms and pick up my fics where they left off.

I've been treating my novel writing the same way. I have several WIP's going right now with zero firm deadlines for any of them. This is...not working for me. I know me well enough to admit that I'll never get anything done like this. So, in keeping with my whole Year of Yes  this is me breaking bad habits, holding myself accountable, and handling my business like a boss.

How? Well, that's where you guys come in.

I'm giving myself until June 1st to complete An Inconvenient Arrangement.  Yep, you heard me. I am on a deadline. I will have this book written by June 1st.

And now that I've spoken this book into existence, I need to get to make it happen. And I have a plan for that. Because a dream without a plan is just a wish and I've been wishing for way to long. It's time to get to work. So what's the plan? So glad you asked!

• Picking ONE project to work on and focusing on it exclusively
• Writing schedule - From 10-2, Monday through Friday is dedicated writing time. 
• Accountability Assistants-Telling people what I'm doing so they know and help motivate me
• Check Ins- Every week posting a snippet of what I've written
• Asking for help - I need to reach out for feedback and concrit on my work. 

Hey guys! How about a round of applause for me actually getting a post up on schedule!  Go me!

Moving on from patting myself on the back, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the weather's getting warmer and someone stole an entire hour of sleep from me. All of this can only mean one thing: Spring has sprung. A lot of us welcome the change in season by breaking out the broom and banishing dust bunnies that *cough* somehow accumulated during the winter months.  As an unapologetic "neat freak" I'm a big fan of spring cleaning but this year I decided to switch it up a bit and not just clear out the clutter in my closet (bye jeans that haven't fit in five years and make me feel bad) but also take inventory of my personal life and figure out if there were relationships I was holding onto relationships I'd outgrown along with that 90's era Blossom hat with the fake daisy in the middle. .

The bad news? I totally have some cleaning to do in my personal life.  The good news? I can totally do this. I will adult and I will adult like Auntie Iyanla sat down and personally fixed my life.

As far as relationships go, once you reach a certain age for some of us it gets harder to make friends so we're kind of loathe to let go of the ones we have, even if the friendship isn't so friendly anymore. For me personally, my social anxiety, awkwardness, bouts of agoraphobia and tendency to be introverted almost to hermit-like levels make IRL, in person friendships a lot more difficult. I have a huge social circle but that's mostly because I live around family and have a million and three cousins. The  majority of my friends are old connections from college or high school. I'm fortunate that most of those friendships have grown with me, but there's one in particular that hasn't and it's a problem.

I've known X since high school and over the years we've gone from being like two peas in a pod to being more like oil and water.  It's not that either of us are bad people, it's that the adults we've become have next to nothing in common. We disagree about politics, social policy, parenting, television, books, movies, music...you name it and we're on opposite sides.  And it's draining because it makes pretty every interaction we have an exercise in avoiding conversational landmines. We're pretty much down to talking about coffee and the weather.

And coffee is getting dangerously close to being a problem because really, what kind of person prefers decaf? Decaf. That's just brown water.

But back to the point: We struggle to get along and our interactions are rarely pleasant. We don't fight, exactly. We just disagree and then are really, really polite.  You know, like Stepford Wives that are planning a murder.  The tension between us is so bad other people, including my kids, have picked up on it.  I can't imagine X is any happier in our current situation than I am but neither of us has been willing to bite the bullet and end the friendship because we've got over 20 years of history together. What kind of awful person throws away a 20 year friendship, right?

I guess I'm that kind of awful person because that's what I'm doing. I don't look at it as throwing X away, though. I'm not going to go "ghost" and just stop returning calls and block X on my social media. I'm not going to spread rumors or talk badly about X to mutual friends. I'm not going to place blame or be cruel or catty. I'm going to treat X with the respect and consideration they deserve.  I appreciate who X was to me in the past and I'm grateful for the good times we had but letting go with grace and thankfulness is, to me, a better alternative than allowing our relationship to continue to deteriorate to the point where we really can't stand each other. I'm not fooling myself into thinking it'll be easy. I'm fully aware this will be difficult but growth and change isn't always easy but it is essential.

At this point in my life, for the person I want to be, any relationship that's dysfunctional and disruptive to my spirit is a relationship that either has to change or has to go. The people we allow into our space can influence our mental and emotional health and well being. When it's in my power and control, I'm choosing for those influences to be positive, nurturing, and supportive. That's the type of energy I want to give and receive. That may sound selfish, but I look at it as a form of self-care.

I have plans for coffee tomorrow with X. I'll let you guys know how things go.

Switching gears from personal to professional, I'm slowly but surely plugging away at my projects. In the interest of being less scattered and focused, I've decided to dedicate part of Friday's blog entries to posting a snippet of what I worked on during the week.  In order to be more accountable, I'm also am going to post my daily word count totals on my social media accounts, so if you guys see me slacking you have my permission to kick me in the rear!

I'm also thinking about trying out Scrivner because two of the most talented and fabulous authors I know, Vanessa North and Megan Erickson swear it'll change my writing life for the better. It looks so complicated though and I'm intimidated, so the jury is still out. I'll let you guys know if I give it a go.

Welp, that's all I got for this Monday.  I hope you are inspired to clean out your clutter, whether it's physical or emotional and that we all accomplish our goals for the week!

XOXO,
Dylan

P.S.

• Monday Motivation: Monday posts will be my weekly "Motivator" where I lay out my plans for the week, writing goals, talk about any progress I've made or roadblocks I've run into with my work, recap my weekend and hook you guys up with whatever motivational words, music, movies, books or self-care tips are feeding my soul at the moment.

XOXO,
Dylan

P.S.