Dylan St. Jaymes
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It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a good story concept, is either a pantser or a plotter.

There are a plethora of systems, software, and suggestions available for those who prefer to plot and plan their way to "the end".  From creating color coded spreadsheets, to filling out worksheets, to scouring Pinterest boards for ideas and resources, planners are spoiled for choice. It may take a bit of trial and error, but eventually every planner finds the formula that works best for them.

I speak from experience here. I'm a planner. I plot my stories from beginning to end. I live and breathe for the planning, the plotting, the checking and rechecking and filling of plot holes before the actual writing happens. It's what I've always done and what I'm comfortable with.

But...and hear me out...what if by doing what I've always done, I'm missing out on easier, better, more effective, way of writing?

Pantsing, aka writing without a fixed outline and going where the story leads you, varies in intensity (some pantsers completely wing it and begin writing without much more than a general story idea while others do some very loose planning) has always struck fear in my heart. I am...not the most spontaneous person. I have lists for my lists. The idea of jumping in the author car and setting off on a writing adventure without a detailed itinerary and trusty map spelling out how to get from the opening line to the final word stresses me (seriously, my anxiety is spiking as I type this) something fierce.

But, in keeping with my own personal Year of Yes, I'm doing the thing that scares me. I'm sure by now you've noticed the Free Reads tab on menu. If you click it, the page is blank and says "Coming Soon."

Well, soon is now.

Okay, well, not now as is now now but now as is this week. Remember how I said I'd do Friday blog posts but I haven't yet? I know, I know. I'm sorry. No excuses. BUT I have a plan (stop making that face!). This Friday will be my firs Feeling It Friday blog post and part of that post will be the first chapter of my Free Friday Fic. And this fic will be written without an outline.

Yeah, you heard me. The Planning Princess is going pantless.  There are three major reasons why I'm doing this. One, I want to try a different writing technique. I've been doing the outline, plot, draft, routine since jr. high. It's time to shake up that routine and see if maybe there's something that works better for me. Second reason? I'm afraid to. Third reason? I need to put some content out that gives you guys some of idea of what I have to offer in terms of writing.

The timing is also pretty great.  Camp NaNoWriMo is going on right now and even though I'm not officially participating, just knowing there are other writers crafting stories at the same time and (some) using the same pantsing process helps me feel less alone.

So there we have it. This week's Wednesday Wisdom is about stepping out of my comfort zone and trying a different way of doing things. Hopefully, I inspired some of you to do the same. Maybe a change in routine will shake loose some major creativity. Feel free to click the links in the above posts for resources, materials, and explanations of different methods and processes for outlining, planning, and pantsing. If you decide to switch up your method, let me know how it goes! Or if you're a dedicated pantser or planner, let me know why it works for you.

I'd love to talk to you on Twitter, you can follow me here.
We should totally be Facebook friends!  You can friend me here.
Hey, do you have a Tumblr?  Cause I have one and you can follow me right here.
Wait, you've got a Pinterest? Me too!  You should follow me and my boards here.
Do you like to read? Cause I love to read. Let's be Goodreads buddies. Friend me here.
Are you living large on Instagram? I'm not but still you can follow me here.





I often describe myself as an awkward turtle. I'm quiet, I'm extremely uncomfortable around new people, I have serious social anxiety that sometimes leads to acute bouts of agoraphobia, I rarely start conversations because I don't want to bother people, rejection (or just the perception of it) is soul crushing for me and just the idea of public speaking can bring on a panic attack. People and crowds exhaust me and I need time to regroup and recharge after being out and about. Spontaneity is not my friend and everyone in my circle knows not to come over without calling first.

Growing up I thought I was broken. What kid doesn't want to be popular with a packed social calendar and the center of attention? There are whole Hollywood movies made about the teenage outsider longing to be part of the "in" crowd and what they're willing to do in order to be part of that world.

I always hated those movies. Nine times out of the ten, the so-called outsider has a small group of friends who may not be sitting at the cool kids table but they're ride or die, ball til we fall, true friends to the end. It also didn't help that in those films most of the popular kids were jerks. After blowing off their real friends and undergoing a complete personality change,the outsider ends up realizing the only reason the grass looks greener on the other side is because it's AstroTurf. They run back to their former friends, beg for (and are granted) forgiveness and with the Important Life Lesson™ learned all's well that ends well.

I never understood what was so horrible about having a few dedicated friends and a lot of alone time. It seemed like a win/win to me. My parents and my older brother didn't see it that way. I was always pushed into this activity or that club, forced to go here, and do this, and be social. I hated it but I didn't really understand why. The more they pushed, and the more it seemed like everyone else was perfectly fine going and doing and being, the more broken I thought I was.

It wasn't until I got to college and started seeing a counselor that I realized I wasn't broken or weird or wrong, I was introverted. Understanding what I am and learning there were millions of other people, some of whom were very successful, that felt the same way I did was such a breakthrough moment for me. I cried  true blue tears, y'all. My journal entry on that day was a thing to behold.

I started writing initially as a way to express my feelings and quiet the noise in my head. I had the words but somewhere between my brain and my mouth they'd get stuck. I couldn't speak, so I wrote. When I first started thinking about writing as a career, I had a romanticized notion of a writer as a soulful, solitary figure who spent weeks at a time without having to socialize. Not gonna lie, the idea appealed to me. It sounded like an introvert's paradise.

So imagine my disappointment when I found out that a fair amount of being a successful writer means being a successful marketer. As much as authors talk about putting our blood, sweat, and tears into our books and treat them like our babies, they're not. They're products and products need marketing and promotion in order to sell. In 2016, a lot of that marketing and promotion falls on the author.That means building relationships with other authors, readers, bloggers, book reviewers and other people in the industry.

This realization sent me into a panic. I'm not a sales person. I'm not great at calling attention to myself. I don't want to bother people so it's rare for me to initiate contact and conversation. I'm shy and hesitant with strangers, even online. It does not, has not, and shall not go down in my DM's, is what I'm saying. 

So what's an introvert to do?

First, I freaked the freak out. Then, after I finished breathing into a paper bag and brought the panic down from an 11 to about a 5, I researched the strategies of successful introverts and worked out a system I feel comfortable with and that works for me. How did I do it? By doing the following:

  •  Set realistic, attainable goals you can build on: One of the strategies I ran across was to increase my Twitter followers by 50-100 every week. At this point and time for me, those numbers are like trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen.  So I modified it into something more realistic.  Right now my goal is five to ten new followers a week. When I hit that consistently, I can bump the numbers up. It doesn't matter if you're going for a certain number of likes on your Facebook page, Twitter followers, hits on your blog, percentage of increase in your sales or whatever, make sure the goal is realistic, attainable, and can be built on. 
  •  Know where your audience is: There are 50-11 ways to interact with potential readers but where is your audience? Do you get a bigger reaction to your Tweets or your Facebook posts? Is your Pinterest popping or is Tumblr where it's at for you? Are people commenting on your blog or are they liking your IG posts?  Having a presence on more than one social media platform is pretty much essential these days but knowing where to concentrate your efforts can be a lifesaver.
  • Listen and learn: I don't know about you but my Twitter feed is full of authors, agents, artists, content creators, editors, and publishers sharing great tips and advice. I've learned a ton about the business of being an author simply by listening when they speak. 
  •  Engagement is not optional: This is hard for me. Talking to people, engaging with other authors and readers is incredibly intimidating for me. What if I'm bothering them? What if they don't like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they think I'm being annoying? All of these thoughts go through my head. Even with people I interact with on a regular basis, it's a struggle sometimes to speak up and not just sit back and observe the conversation going on around me. And it doesn't help when you shoot your shot and miss the target (I'm pretty sure my awkward attempt at expressing concern about someone sent them running for the hills recently lol). But, there's no getting around the fact that engaging with readers and fellow authors and people in the industry is not an option. It doesn't have to be chore though. There are FB groups,Twitter chats, writing forums and social media platforms that make connecting easy. There's a lot of lanes on the engagement superhighway, you just gotta find yours. I promise you'll find your squad. If I can do it, you can too. 
I'm a novice and I'm still learning but we can all grow together. Are there any tips/tricks you've learned or wisdom you wish to pass on to your fellow introverts? Don't be shy, this is a safe space.

XOXO,
Dylan

I'd love to talk to you on Twitter, you can follow me here.
We should totally be Facebook friends!  You can friend me here.
Hey, do you have a Tumblr?  Cause I have one and you can follow me right here.
Wait, you've got a Pinterest? Me too!  You should follow me and my boards here.
Do you like to read? Cause I love to read. Let's be Goodreads buddies. Friend me here.
Are you living large on Instagram? I'm not but still you can follow me here.




If you're anything like me, you look at each new month as a fresh start. The calendar flips over and suddenly there's a sparkling new set of days just waiting to be filled with fabulosity. I greet each month full of promise and brimming with plans: I'll work out more, eat healthier, get on a better sleep schedule, write with purpose and precision, get organized and so on and so forth. When the first day of the new month hits I have all these great intentions and for the first few days I'm totally rocking the "new and improved" program but somehow by the time the middle of the month rolls around I'm out of steam, out of enthusiasm, and back to my old habits.

As much as it pains me to admit, there's no big mystery why I stall out around the midway point every month and don't make it to the finish line. It's simple: I put in a half ass effort so I get half ass results. Listen, I know that may sound harsh but it is what it is. Sure, there's my kids, family obligations, managing my mental health, and the ten million and two other things I have on my plate but the actual factual stone cold truth is that I rarely commit myself fully. I procrastinate and give myself permission to not accomplish my goal by having a handy dandy Rolodex of excuse reasons. I Plus, there's always next month, amirite?

Well, next month is here and I am keeping with my personal Year of Yes by taking on a 30 Day Challenge. I'm focusing on five aspects of my life and making a commitment to change two specific things in each area:

  • Personal:  My relationship w/myself and those around me
  • Professional: Dedicating myself to my craft and progressing with my writing
  • Physical: I've seriously slacked off on all things good for me 
  • Emotional: I can't have a healthy body with a sick soul 
  • Spiritual: Fostering a strong connection with the Creator and the universe
It may look like a daunting task but here's where self awareness kicks in. I'm making small changes  I can build on in the upcoming months to create large improvements. So what am I up to? I'm so glad you asked!
  • Personal: 1. "Tea time" with my daughters (they're 13 and 15) at least 3x a week. 2. Speak with my older brother (who lives out of state and I'm not close to) at least once weekly via phone or social media and try to repair that relationship.
  • Professional: 1. Participate in some of the writer chats on Twitter I follow but never speak up in.  2. Write at least one chapter a day and post accountability check on blog every Friday.
  • Physical: 1. Drink more water 2. Exercise at least 3x a week 3.(bonus goal) In bed no later than midnight. 
  • Emotional: 1. Stop skipping therapy appointments  2. Focus more on positive things.
  • Spiritual: 1. Meditate daily  2. Read something that inspires/uplifts me at least once a week
So there you have it guys. I will make these changes in my life this month and to keep myself honest, I'll post an accountability report every Friday to let you all know how I fared.  Now that you know what I'm doing for the next 30 days, what about you? Are there areas of your life where you need to make your own changes? Is there a specific goal you can spend the next 30 days working towards? Is there a healthy habit you want to spend the next 30 days working into your routine? Leave a comment letting me know about your 30 day challenge and let's do this together!

XOXO,
Dylan

I'd love to talk to you on Twitter, you can follow me here.
We should totally be Facebook friends!  You can friend me here.
Hey, do you have a Tumblr?  Cause I have one and you can follow me right here.
Wait, you've got a Pinterest? Me too!  You should follow me and my boards here.
Do you like to read? Cause I love to read. Let's be Goodreads buddies. Friend me here.
Are you living large on Instagram? I'm not but still you can follow me here. 

I'm currently reading "Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes as part of a commitment to, quite literally, get my life.  The book is fabulous and I highly recommend it but this blog entry isn't me reviewing Shonda's book, it's me reviewing me.

I know I'm a month early for conversations about resolutions and lifestyle changes but hear me out. Every year on my birthday I take stock of the year I had.  I think about what brought me joy, what brought me pain, the lessons I learned and the ones I missed.  I look at the year that passed and the person I started the year as and who I ended up becoming in that time and figure out what I want to bring with me into the next year of my life and what I let go of and leave in the past.

I started doing this when I spent my 24th birthday pregnant and alone.  Let me clarify that before any of you make assumptions.  I have and have always had several football teams worth of family members within walking distance at any given moment.  My father had 14 brothers and sisters and my mother had 11.  I have enough cousins to populate a small country and I'm extremely close to quite a few of them.  My parents, for every rough patch we've ever had, will run to me faster than Flo Jo and Carl Lewis if I ever say "I need you."  I had friends—the ones you can depend on (to quote Houdini)—and "friends" that smiled in my face but all the time wanted to take my place (to quote the O'Jays).  I also had my oldest daughter with me and my little brother hadn't passed away yet and we were closer than two peas in a pod. So my being alone wasn't about literally having no one, it was about what I was feeling and going through at the time.

I was seven months pregnant, on the heels of a very nasty break up that left me with very little other than a broken heart, broken spirit, a beautiful daughter and another on the way. I wasn't working, I was living with my parents and I was deeply, deeply ashamed of who I'd become and how far I'd fallen.  In the middle of eating a red velvet cupcake and crying I promised myself that I'd be in a better place by my next birthday.  

And so began my personal year in review.  

Well, yesterday was my birthday.  As per tradition, I had a red velvet cupcake and took an honest look at my life.  It's a lot better than it was at 24 but there's still room for improvement.  One of those areas is my tendency to yes to everyone but myself.

My mom needs me to do something for her?  Absolutely, yes.
My daddy needs something?  It's done.
My children ask me if I can do, be, make, come to, ect?  Mama makes it happen.
My family needs (not wants lol) me to help? Tell me when and where.
My friends are going through it and need me?  I'm coming through w/the 'S' on my chest.

I want something? — Record scratch.

I can't really...
I'm not sure if...
I don't think...
I wish I could but...

Saying yes to myself is never my first response.  Which is surprising, given that I feel I've come a long way in the whole "respect your worth/recognize your value" journey.  At 37, (Lawdhammercy 40 is waiting on me at the door!) I can't imagine allowing myself to be brought to the low place I inhabited at 24.  You don't get to harm me and I remain silent.  You don't get to hurt me and I make excuses.  You don't get to dehumanize and devalue me and I accept it as "an issue" you're working on. You don't get to betray me, and I continue to set a place for you at my table.  I have learned a measure of self care, is what I'm saying.

But I realized yesterday that I need to take it further.  

In her book Shonda Rhimes talks about her sister planting the seed that started her on her journey by pointing out that Shonda "Never says yes to anything."  She had invites to go there, do this, speak here, and she turned them all down.  Now, she felt she had her reasons (she was introverted, she has social anxiety, she had children to raise and an empire to build) but what it came down to, the truth beneath the lies she told herself was that she was afraid.

And I get that, because so am I.  And over the years I'd told myself the same lies to justify why "no" was my default response when it came to my needs, wants, desires and opportunities.

Introvert? Check.
Anxiety? Check.
"Single Mom"? Check (Ya'll know why those quotes are there, right?)
"Too busy"? Check

It's not that those things weren't (and in some cases are still) true. It was that, at the core, those aren't the reasons I said (and continue to say) no when it comes to me.

The truth is I am afraid of failing.
I am afraid of being found lacking.
I am afraid of not being accepted.
I am afraid of not being good enough. 

These are not easy truths to tell myself, about myself. 

But they are my truths. And I have to embrace them and acknowledge them if I'm going to change them or at the very least, learn to walk in them comfortably.

And here's where all that ties into my writing. 

I've always wanted to be a writer. Not a singer, not a dancer, (except for that brief period where I wanted to be a ballerina which...whew. Not with my ability to trip over air lol)  not an actress, but a writer.  Over the years I've talked myself out of it a hundred times for a hundred different reasons but at the end of the day, the truth is I'm afraid. As long as I'm an "aspiring" author, I can't be a failed author.  As long as I'm forever working on this novel or outlining that story, I don't have to worry about rejection.  I can't be rejected by publishers if I never send them a manuscript.  I can't be told "you can't sit with us" by fellow authors if I never walk up to the table.  I can't disappoint and disgust readers if I never put any out any material. 

Sure, I'll never win the race if I don't come out of the starting blocks but I'll also never lose the race if I'm not a participant. 

The stone, cold truth is I've kept myself in limbo.  I start projects and don't finish them.  I rarely talk about my writing projects with anyone. I don't share my writing with anyone (I don't ask for help, I don't ask for feedback, I don't join writing groups) unless it's fanfic and even then I just post and slink quietly away (no promo, no asking for beta readers, just...yeah).  I do all the prep (research, plotting, outlining, character boards, character profiles, world building) start writing...and then abandon it.  

I never finish.

And I always have a "good" reason.

My muse left me.
I got this other great idea that I just HAVE to work on right now.
I'm going through _____ right now and writing isn't a priority.
I've lost my mojo for this story.

And on, and on and on the excuses go.

But the reality is, I am afraid of finishing.  I am afraid of putting myself out there. I am afraid of my dream going down in a hail of one star reviews from disgruntled readers and snickers and crickets from underwhelmed peers.  

If I say yes I can and yes I will...then I might fail.
Or disappoint someone.
Or embarrass myself.
Or get it wrong.
Or get it right and create expectation.
Or...
Or...
Or...

The possibilities are endless.  And I'm worse case scenario kind of girl (my anxiety and depression manifest in some serious catastrophic thinking, ya'll) so of course, it's always the least favorable outcome that I visualize coming true.

But, the thing is, I didn't say yes last year, not really.  Sure, I did some things, took some "serious" steps like setting up a social media presence and awkward turtling my way into some friendships with fellow writers.  I even swallowed my fear and panic and wrote a guest book review for a friend's blog.  I also let a few of my offline people (okay fine, three and one of them is my therapist) know that I'm writing again in a half ass effort at some accountability but I did everything but write consistently.  I did everything but finish.  

So, like Shonda, I'm spending the next year saying yes. 

Not to everything and everyone mind you, lol.  Just...I'm opening myself to opportunity.  I'm saying yes and allowing for the possibility of both failure and success.  

This time next year I will not be an "aspiring" author with books "coming soon."

This time next year I will be an author with a body of published work.

I am scared as hell...but I am still saying yes.








Mama exhorted her children at every opportunity to "jump at de sun." We might not land on the sun, but at least we would get off the ground.
                                                                      -Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God


Hi, I'm Dylan an aspiring author of m/m romance novels and this is my "jump at de sun."

I grew up a shy army brat and for most of my childhood books were my best friends. As time went on I developed a love for the written word that transferred out of the pages of my books and onto the pages of journals and diaries.  The older I got, the more I wrote and by the time I was a senior in high school I was the editor of our school newspaper.  I dreamed of being a writer the way other kids dreamed of being a famous athlete or musician.

Then...life happened.  I met a boy, I fell in love, I had a baby and my dreams got pushed aside in favor of a more practical reality.  Fast forward *mumble mumble* years and there were kids and responsibilities and illnesses (the excuse trifecta) and I hadn't written anything other than my signature in so long I had almost forgotten how.  And then I reacquainted myself with  fanfiction..

Okay, I know what you're thinking.  And you're right.  I wish I could say it was like riding a bike and everything just came back to me but that is so not what happened.  My first few fanfics were awful. No, I'm not being modest.  On a scale of "This is the best fanfiction ever written" to "My Immortal"
it was closer to the latter than the former.

As poorly written as my fanfics were, they ignited my creative spark. I kept at it, improved my technical skills (my nemesis grammar and I are now on somewhat civil terms) and slowly but surely fell back in love with writing.

I've spent the last few years writing "slash" in various fandoms and now I feel like I'm ready to take the plunge into the scary exciting world of published m/m romance.  This blog is going to chronicle my journey as a newbie author figuring out everything from networking on social media, to building a readership base to navigating the choppy waters of submitting to publishers vs. going indie and self publishing.

I'm excited about this journey and thankful that you've decided to jump with me.  Let's see how close to the sun we can get.


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ABOUT ME


Dylan is a pop culture geek with Southern roots and Northwest sensibilities. She explores issues such as positive representation for marginalized identities in romance novels, misogyny on soap operas, and mental health. Dylan owns the online boutique House of St. Jaymes and is currently working on several LGBTQIA+ romance novels, a collection of essays, and a series of short stories. When not writing, designing, or watching trashy reality tv, she is a work-from-home mother of two, loving daughter, and day 1 member of the Beyhive.


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