*Blows dust off blog*

So...it's been awhile but I'm back, and you're here, so let's dive right in and get started making 2018 our best year yet. That may sound like a lofty goal, but I believe in us and I've found a great system to help get us on our way.

New Year's typically comes with revelry, reflection, and resolutions. We set our writing goals (some of them recycled from the year before...and the year before that...and the year before that...) and convince ourselves this year will be the year we finish our manuscript, get published, or land an agent. The thing is, it takes more than motivation and a pretty planner to see our dreams come to fruition. A lot of us know what we want and why we want it, but have no idea how we're going to get it done.

A huge part of figuring out how, is understanding that a key component of goal setting is an action plan. And by plan, I mean both the noun and the verb. In order to achieve our goals we not only need a detailed strategy but also to decide and arrange in advance how we're going to execute our strategy.

This is where the SMART goal system comes in.

SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time Bound and the system brings organization and perceptibility into our goal setting. Here's how:

S is for Specific.

What exactly is it you're trying to achieve? Why this goal at this time? Who is going to be part of your process? What are the limitations or restrictions? Are there acceptable alternatives? The more specific you are with your goals, the clearer they become. The S is the difference between "I want to be published." and "I want to be published by Riptide."

M is for Measurable.

The M is what keeps us from getting overwhelmed. It breaks our larger goal down into manageable chunks which yield tangible results. How? Part of making sure your goal is measurable is establishing deadlines for getting things done and determining how you'll track your progress. For example one of my 2018 is to expand my online social circle of fellow writers and publishing peeps. Social anxiety and my general tendency to be the most awkward of turtles means I have a relatively small group of online peers (but they are AWESOME and I love them). One of the ways I plan on changing that is by actively participating in online events, joining message boards, being active on my social media platforms and speaking up in writing related chats. I plan on measuring how successful I am in increasing my peer group by having a specific goal of making two new contacts every three months. That may not sound like much, but for someone with my awkwardness and anxiety it's a challenging, but not entirely impossible goal. Most to the point though, it's measurable.

A is for Attainable.

Don't set yourself up for failure. Making two new contacts every three months is an achievable goal for me; making ten is not. The key to keeping a goal attainable is knowing what steps you're going to take and evaluating whether or not you have the skills or resources needed.

R is for Relevant. 

This one is pretty self explanatory. Your goal has to be important to you or you're going to lose motivation quickly. Ask yourself why you want to want to reach this goal, what's the objective and whether or not it's really worth investing your time, effort, and energy.

T is for Time Bound.

Set a firm deadline for completion. Firm. Deadline. Be realistic. be precise, and be accountable.

So there you have it, guys. The SMART way to reach our writing goals in 2018. The cool thing about this system is you can apply to pretty much anything that requires long range planning.

Talk to me, fam. What are your 2018 writing goals? How can the SMART system help you reach them? Leave a comment and let me know.

Teddy Roosevelt once said "Comparison is the thief of joy" and truer words were never spoken, especially when it comes to us creative types.

Whether you're a writer or a wedding planner, part of being a successful creative is knowing what's going on in your industry. What's in, what's out, what's now, and what's next are questions you should know the answers to. Getting those answers means being aware of your peers and what they're doing, how they're doing it, and who among you is doing it so well that they're literally winning all the awards.

Seeing someone succeed or achieve at an incredible level in your industry can be inspiring and motivating...or it can be a trap.

There's a fine line between inspiration and envy. Inspiration fuels your artistry whereas envy feeds your insecurity. It takes you to a place where nothing you do or have done shines as bright, means as much, or is as good as the person (or people) you're comparing yourself to.

And that my friends, is a creativity killer.

So how do we avoid it?

The truth is...we can't, not really. We see someone else doing what we want to do or are trying to do and being so successful and so talented that we're both awestruck and intimidated. We tumble down the rabbit hole of wanting and wishing and feeling inadequate. That's human and it's okay that we fall down.

The thing is though, we can't stay down. We have to climb up out the hole. What's for you is for you and you won't find it stumbling around in the dark wishing you had someone else's light.

So how do we get back up?

Refocus on yourself and your journey. You may not be on their level (it is what it is, fam) but that doesn't mean you can't be great where you are. Challenge yourself. Work on your weaknesses. Build on your strengths. Commit to being the best version of yourself, producing your best work. Realize the person you're idolizing is most likely comparing themselves to someone else and feeling they come up short. Make the goal progress rather than perfection.

Be motivated. Be inspired. Be amazed, but above all else, be you because that's something no one else can do as well as you can.

There aren't a lot of people who having their work critiqued, but for an author it can be especially excruciating. Some of us have a tendency to blur the lines between our work and ourselves, so much so that we forget a critique of our words is not a statement about our worth.

Writing is an intensely personal endeavor. We spend hours casting individual threads until they weave together to form the stories of our characters and the worlds they inhabit. So, it's understandable that after all that hard work anything less than a glowing critique can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Understandable or not, the reality is critique and criticism are necessary parts of the writing process and learning how to give and give both are essential to the business of being an author. No matter how carefully you proofread or objective you try to be, you're never going to catch all of your mistakes or be able to step back far enough to take in every angle. Critique is critical to you success. No one is saying you have to like it, but you do need to learn how to accept it without losing your confidence, ending up on a "badly behaved blacklist", or ruining professional relationships.  So here are a few tips I've learned about accepting criticism, correction, or critiques thus far:

• Woosah

When researching how to brand myself as an author, one piece of advice I continually run across is to steer clear of "controversial" topics. Conventional wisdom says in order to avoid upsetting or offending potential readers, publishers, editors, and other authors, I should refrain from discussing them or maintain a neutral position.

I understand why this is the recommended route for an author (especially someone like me who's pre-published)  to take. The internet is forever and we've all seen celebrities damage their brands and reputations in 140 character or less on Twitter or witnessed a friend's "hot button" Facebook post turn into knock down, drag out slug fests in the comment section. Stating your position on important social, political, or religious issues online invites not only discussion and debate, but also trolling, personal attacks, and people being deeply disappointed that who you are doesn't match up with who they want you to be.

For an author this can be devastating. In some readers their disappointment or disagreement can turn into your books landing on their "not-even-if-my-life-depended-on-it" shelf on Goodreads, a barrage of one star reviews on various sites, or calls for boycotts or bans. Given the potential for disaster it's no surprise that avoidance and neutrality are a popular 1-2 combination.  It's good advice and I totally understand why a lot of authors swear follow it.

I just can't be one of them.

I'm a woman. I'm a mother. I'm Black. I'm queer. I'm a feminist. I'm sex positive. I'm so many things and all of who I am influences what I write, how I write it, and why I'm moved to tell the stories I do. My brand isn't just about the work I produce, it's also about the values and beliefs I hold.

As an author my words are everything. They're how I bring my characters to life, entertain and engage my audience, build relationships, and participate in Romancelandia's community. My words (and actions but that's a whole other post) speak my truth. If branding is about managing reader expectations so they know who I am, believe in the value of what I'm offering, and understand what they can expect from me and my books, then I can't do anything other than be my authentic self.

And y'all, my authentic self is someone who can't co-sign oppression or injustice by pretending I don't see, comprehend, or hear what's going on around me. My authentic self is someone who is compelled to add my voice to the chorus of those demanding racial justice. My authentic self is someone who stands up for the civil, legal, social, and human rights of oppressed people. My authentic self is someone who doesn't let misogyny or misogynoir go unchallenged. My authentic self is someone who doesn't go along to get along, even if it means having uncomfortable conversations with friends and family or acknowledging when I'm the one who's been loud and wrong.

I realize I'm taking a risk and I'm okay with that. I was told recently (while discussing a completely different subject) not to be afraid of alienating the wrong reader. If using my voice and my platform to speak up for the things I believe in and speak out against the things I find intolerable drives some potential readers and Romancelandia residents away from me, then hopefully it will draw others to me.

Words have power. They can enlighten or enrage. They can bring people together or push them apart. They can build people up or break them down. They can be the first, last, or only line of defense against inequality or injustice. My words are my sword and shield. I will wield them mindfully, purposefully, and with intention but I will wield them.

I wish you the ability, bravery, and safety to do the same.

XOXO,
Dylan

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a writer in possession of a good story concept, is either a pantser or a plotter.

There are a plethora of systems, software, and suggestions available for those who prefer to plot and plan their way to "the end".  From creating color coded spreadsheets, to filling out worksheets, to scouring Pinterest boards for ideas and resources, planners are spoiled for choice. It may take a bit of trial and error, but eventually every planner finds the formula that works best for them.

I speak from experience here. I'm a planner. I plot my stories from beginning to end. I live and breathe for the planning, the plotting, the checking and rechecking and filling of plot holes before the actual writing happens. It's what I've always done and what I'm comfortable with.

But...and hear me out...what if by doing what I've always done, I'm missing out on easier, better, more effective, way of writing?

Pantsing, aka writing without a fixed outline and going where the story leads you, varies in intensity (some pantsers completely wing it and begin writing without much more than a general story idea while others do some very loose planning) has always struck fear in my heart. I am...not the most spontaneous person. I have lists for my lists. The idea of jumping in the author car and setting off on a writing adventure without a detailed itinerary and trusty map spelling out how to get from the opening line to the final word stresses me (seriously, my anxiety is spiking as I type this) something fierce.

But, in keeping with my own personal Year of Yes, I'm doing the thing that scares me. I'm sure by now you've noticed the Free Reads tab on menu. If you click it, the page is blank and says "Coming Soon."

Well, soon is now.

Okay, well, not now as is now now but now as is this week. Remember how I said I'd do Friday blog posts but I haven't yet? I know, I know. I'm sorry. No excuses. BUT I have a plan (stop making that face!). This Friday will be my firs Feeling It Friday blog post and part of that post will be the first chapter of my Free Friday Fic. And this fic will be written without an outline.

Yeah, you heard me. The Planning Princess is going pantless.  There are three major reasons why I'm doing this. One, I want to try a different writing technique. I've been doing the outline, plot, draft, routine since jr. high. It's time to shake up that routine and see if maybe there's something that works better for me. Second reason? I'm afraid to. Third reason? I need to put some content out that gives you guys some of idea of what I have to offer in terms of writing.

The timing is also pretty great.  Camp NaNoWriMo is going on right now and even though I'm not officially participating, just knowing there are other writers crafting stories at the same time and (some) using the same pantsing process helps me feel less alone.

So there we have it. This week's Wednesday Wisdom is about stepping out of my comfort zone and trying a different way of doing things. Hopefully, I inspired some of you to do the same. Maybe a change in routine will shake loose some major creativity. Feel free to click the links in the above posts for resources, materials, and explanations of different methods and processes for outlining, planning, and pantsing. If you decide to switch up your method, let me know how it goes! Or if you're a dedicated pantser or planner, let me know why it works for you.

I often describe myself as an awkward turtle. I'm quiet, I'm extremely uncomfortable around new people, I have serious social anxiety that sometimes leads to acute bouts of agoraphobia, I rarely start conversations because I don't want to bother people, rejection (or just the perception of it) is soul crushing for me and just the idea of public speaking can bring on a panic attack. People and crowds exhaust me and I need time to regroup and recharge after being out and about. Spontaneity is not my friend and everyone in my circle knows not to come over without calling first.

Growing up I thought I was broken. What kid doesn't want to be popular with a packed social calendar and the center of attention? There are whole Hollywood movies made about the teenage outsider longing to be part of the "in" crowd and what they're willing to do in order to be part of that world.

I always hated those movies. Nine times out of the ten, the so-called outsider has a small group of friends who may not be sitting at the cool kids table but they're ride or die, ball til we fall, true friends to the end. It also didn't help that in those films most of the popular kids were jerks. After blowing off their real friends and undergoing a complete personality change,the outsider ends up realizing the only reason the grass looks greener on the other side is because it's AstroTurf. They run back to their former friends, beg for (and are granted) forgiveness and with the Important Life Lesson™ learned all's well that ends well.

I never understood what was so horrible about having a few dedicated friends and a lot of alone time. It seemed like a win/win to me. My parents and my older brother didn't see it that way. I was always pushed into this activity or that club, forced to go here, and do this, and be social. I hated it but I didn't really understand why. The more they pushed, and the more it seemed like everyone else was perfectly fine going and doing and being, the more broken I thought I was.

It wasn't until I got to college and started seeing a counselor that I realized I wasn't broken or weird or wrong, I was introverted. Understanding what I am and learning there were millions of other people, some of whom were very successful, that felt the same way I did was such a breakthrough moment for me. I cried  true blue tears, y'all. My journal entry on that day was a thing to behold.

I started writing initially as a way to express my feelings and quiet the noise in my head. I had the words but somewhere between my brain and my mouth they'd get stuck. I couldn't speak, so I wrote. When I first started thinking about writing as a career, I had a romanticized notion of a writer as a soulful, solitary figure who spent weeks at a time without having to socialize. Not gonna lie, the idea appealed to me. It sounded like an introvert's paradise.

So imagine my disappointment when I found out that a fair amount of being a successful writer means being a successful marketer. As much as authors talk about putting our blood, sweat, and tears into our books and treat them like our babies, they're not. They're products and products need marketing and promotion in order to sell. In 2016, a lot of that marketing and promotion falls on the author.That means building relationships with other authors, readers, bloggers, book reviewers and other people in the industry.

This realization sent me into a panic. I'm not a sales person. I'm not great at calling attention to myself. I don't want to bother people so it's rare for me to initiate contact and conversation. I'm shy and hesitant with strangers, even online. It does not, has not, and shall not go down in my DM's, is what I'm saying. 

So what's an introvert to do?

First, I freaked the freak out. Then, after I finished breathing into a paper bag and brought the panic down from an 11 to about a 5, I researched the strategies of successful introverts and worked out a system I feel comfortable with and that works for me. How did I do it? By doing the following:

•  Set realistic, attainable goals you can build on: One of the strategies I ran across was to increase my Twitter followers by 50-100 every week. At this point and time for me, those numbers are like trying to make fetch happen. It's not going to happen.  So I modified it into something more realistic.  Right now my goal is five to ten new followers a week. When I hit that consistently, I can bump the numbers up. It doesn't matter if you're going for a certain number of likes on your Facebook page, Twitter followers, hits on your blog, percentage of increase in your sales or whatever, make sure the goal is realistic, attainable, and can be built on. 

•  Know where your audience is: There are 50-11 ways to interact with potential readers but where is your audience? Do you get a bigger reaction to your Tweets or your Facebook posts? Is your Pinterest popping or is Tumblr where it's at for you? Are people commenting on your blog or are they liking your IG posts?  Having a presence on more than one social media platform is pretty much essential these days but knowing where to concentrate your efforts can be a lifesaver.

• Listen and learn: I don't know about you but my Twitter feed is full of authors, agents, artists, content creators, editors, and publishers sharing great tips and advice. I've learned a ton about the business of being an author simply by listening when they speak. 

•  Engagement is not optional: This is hard for me. Talking to people, engaging with other authors and readers is incredibly intimidating for me. What if I'm bothering them? What if they don't like me? What if I make a fool of myself? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they think I'm being annoying? All of these thoughts go through my head. Even with people I interact with on a regular basis, it's a struggle sometimes to speak up and not just sit back and observe the conversation going on around me. And it doesn't help when you shoot your shot and miss the target (I'm pretty sure my awkward attempt at expressing concern about someone sent them running for the hills recently lol). But, there's no getting around the fact that engaging with readers and fellow authors and people in the industry is not an option. It doesn't have to be chore though. There are FB groups,Twitter chats, writing forums and social media platforms that make connecting easy. There's a lot of lanes on the engagement superhighway, you just gotta find yours. I promise you'll find your squad. If I can do it, you can too. 

I'm a novice and I'm still learning but we can all grow together. Are there any tips/tricks you've learned or wisdom you wish to pass on to your fellow introverts? Don't be shy, this is a safe space.

XOXO,
Dylan