No matter how big or small your circle is, at some point they put on their capes and save you.
Whether it's when you type "the end" convinced you've done the damn thing and created a masterpiece, post pics of your new highlight and contour routine because you know your face is beat to the gods, left your desk ready to curse your boss all the way out because they wrote you up and you have time today or have an opinion about A Thing and know to the depths of your soul you are the rightest person to have ever been right in the history of ever.
Whether it's when you type "the end" convinced you've done the damn thing and created a masterpiece, post pics of your new highlight and contour routine because you know your face is beat to the gods, left your desk ready to curse your boss all the way out because they wrote you up and you have time today or have an opinion about A Thing and know to the depths of your soul you are the rightest person to have ever been right in the history of ever.
Now, in each of these situations you could be totally, 100% in the right. Your book may be so good it wins all the awards. Your face may be so flawless you land an endorsement deal from M·A·C. You may already have a new job lined up with better pay and more benefits and you may be 100% right about The Thing.
But, and hear me now, maybe you're wrong.
Maybe your book needs more work than an aging trophy wife before it's ready.
Maybe your face looks like CoCo the Clown did your makeup...and CoCo was mad that day.
Maybe you were late for the third time this week and deserved that write up.
Maybe The Thing is about something you have limited knowledge and understanding of and is being discussed among people who DO have the knowledge, understanding, personal, or professional authority to speak on it. Maybe your opinion on The Thing is uninformed, unnecessary and unneeded.
What does this have to do with #SquadGoals? Follow me here: In each of these situations you need someone to take you by the hand and say "Beloved, you are wrong."
Your book isn't ready? They give you that concrit you need before you put it out there disappointing your readers and earning a bunch of no star reviews.
Your makeup got you looking like Coco the Clown did you dirty? They tell you to delete that post before anyone else sees it.
You ready to tell your boss what to kiss and how to kiss it? They remind you you have bills to pay and if you're mad about being written up, you'll be furious about being fired.
You're about to talk that good talk about The Thing, even though nobody asked you? They tell you stay in your seat and stay in your lane.
Under ideal circumstances they pull you back from the edge before you step off the cliff. In the event that you do the do before they can get to you, they keep you from compounding the damage.
Everyone needs that friend. The one who isn't afraid to tell you no. The one who isn't too nice to hurt your feelings. The one who will tell you that you're wrong even when that's not what you want to hear.
Here's where we circle back around to #SquadGoals. Once you reach a point where you've put away childish things and are about Grown Folks Business™, there are certain types of friends you need on your team. Wanna hear it? Here it go:
- The Elder: You need someone in your life that has some years on them, someone who has been where you are and can help guide you to where you're going. I realize some of y'all are saying "Age doesn't equal life experience or wisdom." You're right and that's not what I said. I said, you need someone in your life that has some years on them and can help guide you to where you're going. Merely being older than you doesn't qualify someone to be The Elder. See, Elders have walked through the fire and gotten burned. They have yelled themselves hoarse and bitten their tongues so hard they bled. They have been on the winning team and taken that L. They have been loud and wrong and listened and learned. They have been through it and come out the other side with an insight and perspective that gives weight to their words. When The Elder speaks, it's to your benefit to listen because they know. They aren't just a friend, they're a mentor.
- The Gatherer: You remember above where I said everyone needs the friend that isn't afraid to hurt their feelings? This is the gatherer. When you wander out of bounds and get out of order, they are the ones who go after you and bring you back. They are the ones that tell you to pull up your pants before you out in the world showing your entire ass. They are the ones who let you know when you've gone too far, done too much, and need to sit all the way down. Because they're the ones most likely to call you on your mess, they aren't always your favorite friend but they are one of your most essential. See, The Gatherer is not hating on you They aren't being toxic or two-faced. No, see The Gather is acting out of nothing but love. They don't want to see you play yourself. They don't want to see you set yourself up for failure. They want you to be great. They love the hell out of you and want to see you shine so bright you blind errybody. So when you're wrong, they know you're wrong, they get you together. They know if you go out there loud and wrong you will get your feelings hurt. They know if you go out there with that foolishness, someone is going to put their verbal or literal foot in your ass. You will be dragged. You will be snatched. You will be read for filth and left looking like who did it and why. The Gatherer doesn't want to see you go out like that so they get you in check. And if you are about Grown Folks Business ™ you thank them for it. Because you know you needed it and you love the hell out of them for it.
- The Catcher: The Gatherer is out of town, you did The Thing and now you're all lumped and bumped up from getting dragged by your baby hairs. Who do you call? The Catcher. They're the ones who no matter how far you fall down, are there to catch you and help you get back up. If you need prayer, they got that scripture. If you need a distraction, they have Netflix queued up and ready to go. If you need to feed your feeling they got more Good Eats than Alton Brown. If you need to cry, their shoulder is ready. They got you.
- The Fixer: They may not be Olivia Pope but when it's going down, they come ready to put in work and get it back right. You need financial help? They come through with a list of charities and organizations you can go to for assistance and look into how to set up a GoFundMe page for you. You keep forgetting appointments? They make a list of ten different scheduling apps you can try, complete with reviews on each and their personal recommendation. You aren't sure how that tattoo got there but you need it gone? They compile a list of places to go, complete with directions on how to get there, how much they charge and whether or not they do good work. Where The Catcher comes with support and sympathy, The Fixer come with solutions.
- The Optimist: Everyone needs a friend who can help them look on the bright side. When you hit rock bottom The Optimist reminds you that you don't have to stay there. They aren't naive or passive (positivity does not equal passivity, people) and will speak up and speak out when need be but prefer to focus on what's right, rather than what's wrong. When you're upset because you only added a few hundred words to your WIP, they remind you that's a few hundred more than you had when you started. When you're bummed about not having everything you want, they help you find the joy in appreciating everything you have. They remind you mistakes are learning opportunities, even the worst day only lasts 24 hours and even if you gotta come from behind, you can still win the game. The Optimist keeps you up when you're down and everyone needs that kind of energy and encouragement in their life.
- The Realist: They are here to let you know your mama is a liar. You cannot, in fact, be anything you want to be. You can work hard, give it your all, slay like your name is Buffy and still lose. The Realist is sorry for speaking against your mama but they are about that real talk. They are not here to play games and have no time for the foolishness. They let you know you can't be anything you want to be but you can be anything your talents, drive, and ambition allow you to be. They let you know you may not always win but you can always learn. When you say you're auditioning for The Voice...but you can't sing? They let you know The Voice is not for you but Food Network Star is holding auditions and since you're an amazing cook you should go for it. When you're sure you're about to be the next Steph Curry...but you lay more bricks than a mason? They tell you to get out of the game and get on the computer because you have mad animation skills. When you are convinced you have met the one and y'all will happily ever after just as soon as they get divorced. And finish serving their sentence. And are allowed into the country. They sit you down and explain all the ways you've lost your damn mind and help you find it. The Realist isn't a "hater". They don't rain on your parade or veto your ideas out of envy or jealousy. They do it because they want to see you making boss moves, not wasting time chasing waterfalls. So, when you come to them with some nonsense that isn't, wasn't, and ain't never gonna be they let you know. The Realist wants nothing but good for you and won't let you play yourself.
- The Crusader: When something foul goes down, The Crusader is there to call attention to it and demand justice. If you need to "do the education" on a social issue, The Crusader is the first call you make. If not for them you wouldn't have known about ____ or ____ or gotten involved in _____. They make your world bigger. They educate you, challenge you, and help you grow. You may not always agree with them, but you respect the hell out of them.
- The Clapbacktivist: Listen. Listen. You need one, maybe two (no more than that or things get messy), Clapbacktivists in your life. They don't "rise above" or "refuse to dignify that with a response". If someone comes for you, The Clapbacktivist goes the way in and leaves no wig unsnatched. They. Are. Not. Here. For. It. And. It. Shall. Not. Stand. If someone is out there slandering your name, they will wake up out of their sleep to log on to social media at three in the morning to deliver a read or roll up on someone's job to let them know where and how to go. They have no chill, got time for it, and are about that life. They will turn it all the way up and burn it all the way down. They are loyal. I'm gonna say that again: They are loyal. When you're being tested and don't have your no. 2 pencil, they got you. They. Got. You.
- The Peacemaker: No matter how close you are, sometimes friends fight. And when the squad goes all Family Feud, there has to be someone willing to extend olive branches and soothe ruffled feathers. That's where The Peacemaker comes in. They rebuild bridges and organize sit downs without picking sides, causing drama or making a bad situation worse. They're the voice of reason when everyone else is speaking gibberish.
- The Gatekeeper: You may be about Grown Folks Business™ but every squad needs someone willing to take it back to high school and say "You can't sit with us." Listen. Listen. You can be friendly to anyone but you can't be friends with everyone. The Gatekeeper isn't Drake saying "No new friends" but they are Oprah telling you to "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher." Not everyone should have a place at your table and The Gatekeeper will let you know quick, fast, and in a hurry if this new person is wearing sweat pants on a Monday. For a lot of people friends are the family you choose and The Gatekeeper keeps the family functional. They can spot a Drama Llama, Petty Betty, or Scotty Scammer from a mile away. You've learned to trust their judgement and intuition because they are always, always right. When they look at someone and say "You ain't in the circle"...they ain't in the circle.
- The Historian: This is the Day One friend. The one who knew you back when. They are the keeper of receipts and will pull them as needed. When you get The Big Head (and we all get the big head from time to time) they remind you of that time you fell out of a tree trying to spy on your ex. Or that one time you sang Proud Mary at the karaoke bar and fell off the stage. Or the time you got chased by a cat. Or paid actual money to see Spice World in the theater. They don't bring up your less than fabulous moments to break you down; they do it to bring you back. When you're feeling yourself a little too much and are believing your own hype, they come through like Mufasa in The Lion King to remind you who you really are. They want you to be great, but they aren't about to let you be insufferable or forget where you come from.
- The Diamond Cluster Hustler: This is the friend who is about their business. Their side hustle has a side hustle. They are always working, always building, always grinding. They put in work and push you to do the same. They don't let you make excuses or half ass it. They challenge you to get out there and make it happen.
This isn't a complete list (and you may have people who play two or three of these roles in your life) but for me, these are my essential people. I need people who will gather me so I don't embarrass myself in front of company. I need people who will be my soft place to land when I stumble and fall. I need people who will keep me from making space for any and everybody. I need people who will tell me to reach for the stars but keep my head out of the clouds. I need people who inspire me. I need people who nurture and guide me. I need people who know who I am at the core of my being.
Those are my #SquadGoals. What are yours? Look around you. Who have you given a seat at your table? Is your squad about their business or on that bullshit? These are your people so ask yourself how are they lifting you up? How do they make you better? How do they help you be the person you want to be? How do they renew your spirit? Think about your friends. Whose made a place for you at their table? How are you lifting them up? How do you make them better? What are you giving back? Whether your squad is ten deep or two strong, online or offline peeps, live around the corner or are spread out all over the globe, they're your people. Make sure they're good to you, good for you, and getting back as much as they give.
XOXO,
Dylan
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